Why do we choose to be in relationships when they suck so much sometimes? Life was easy being single.

So here I sit in my bed at 5:03pm on a beautiful Sunday afternoon on a day when I have had the whole day to do whatever I choose with any of my friends.  But instead, here I sit, unmotivated to move from within the four walls of my bedroom, let alone my bed because I am to busy feeling sorry for myself because my fiance says he does not love me.  Then he leaves for work.  Okay.  That is great.   Thank you for the great start to my fucking day off.  I used to love being single, no attachment, no commitment, no feelings getting in the way, no bull shit getting in the way, talked maybe once a week, great dates, getting to know new people, grabbing random asses was kosher, great sex (phenominal sex), and no planning sex once per weekend in the morning.

When did my life begin to suck lately?  Oh, how about when my relationship became day to day same old and I started avoiding particular discussions just to avoid an argument again that would last more than five minutes.  Why must love exist?  Really, it just complicates issues and makes our decision making and thinking opaque due to non objective thinking.  I wish I could easily shut off the damn love valve so that i could just easily move on and not wonder or feel like I am losing a damned limb.

I am that girl that puts nice post it messages and treats in his lunch box for work, plan for extra food during dinner prep so that he could have a good lunch tomorrow, and I fold his laundry just right and tell him I love him every morning before I leave for work.  Come on now, isn't this the desired girl?  Oh, apparently not, instead he says I say I love you too much so it does not mean as much to him anymore.  So then what happens, he just does not say it or even respond with it.  Instead he says he feels like we are just roommates that happen to have sex (once a week may I add) that happen to be getting married.

I used to be the girl that did not want a serious relationship so I avoided them entirely.  When I met him, my life seemed to change without my approval.  I started caring more for him than others and fell hard.  I wanted things that I never wanted, I all of a suddened started envisioning a beautiful wedding, having fake children and naming them, and seeing myself growing old with him.  He said that he had the same experience.  He never thought he would get married, and then he couldn't wait to marry ME.